The 5 Worst TV Commericals on TV now

#1
I am going to start with the absolute worst commercial because
a) everyone must have seen these spots
b) its a high production value ad
c) it is so disgusting that it invokes an involuntary gag vomit reaction that forces me to immediately change the channel, mute the sound, or turn off the TV.

To the ad agency I ask ... WTF were you thinking when you came up with the Purina Dog Food campaign? Big tongued heavy breeds slurping food happily with excessively loud sounds while trying to breathe is not a unique feature to your food. Did you know that dogs will eat their own turds? In fact they will eat almost anything.

Cats on the other hand are finicky and these spots and efforts would be better suited for the little fluffies and kilter owners of the world.

When people hear dogs licking 'something' or gnawing down on something while trying to breathe i wouldn't hesitate to think that a large majority would fill in the sentence with the noun 'balls'. Did you try that little doosey on your focus groups? hmmm?

The Purina Dog Food Commercials are so obnoxious that I will never ever buy any of the Purina products just to avoid thinking about the bad commercials and I'll do anything to avoid looking at the Purina logo. Perhaps people who smear peanut butter on their nads would like these commercials. Perhaps these people work at the Ad Agency that made them?

On a similar note a friend recently told me that her friends (a married couple) recorded the birth of the first baby girl and they wanted to share it with her. My friend told me that she was not looking forward to hearing it. Beh, i said, what is the big deal, it's an after school special for 10 year olds? Then she proceeded to tell me that her friends husband at the time only had an MP3 recorder and he held it next to the vagina as the baby was being born. Imagine your stereo on volume 11, you are listening to all the vivid vaginal liquid sounds as the baby sluices down the canal. All of those sloshing, farting, slapping and dribbling into steel pans, followed by a blurt expulsion of a baby sounds don't make me want to have sex, in fact just thinking about the results of birth protection gone wrong and the consequences is a form of birth control in it self. I can see why my friend is not looking forward to this audio-riffic moment with her friends.

Like I said before dogs are going to eat anything regardless, people are going to have nasty sounding bowel movements regardless, recording them and putting them on TV is not going to make me buy more food, nor will it make me buy your food or product. This is a really shitty bunch of commercials IMO. nuff said. pfffft ooops there's a commercial for beer.

#2
Second worst commercial on TV today:
Discovery Channel sing along
... you know " i love the mountains... " song, but for me .. click tv off.
This commercial is just plain stupid and 30 seconds too long. I can watch this for exactly 3 seconds. This collection of out of tune Discovery Channel hosts singing different lines of the campfire barf-a-long song is pointless and uncreative. This song for 4 year olds is one of those tunes that is verboten once a child turns 5. This is a song that most normal people would never want to sing more than once even at gunpoint. To think that an adult would produce this as a commercial and actually get paid for it is Bank CEO derivative product sales worthy. Truly mind boggling.
Jay Ingram, don't ever sing again on TV please. I would love to have a beer with you but please just don't sing anymore. O-Tay?

#3
Mindlessly bad but with less effort and production values are the Sham Wow spots. On first view, my immediate question is "is that Gary Busey's anemic leather skinned younger brother that just got out of rehab offering to clean up my spills and dry my car as some sort of parole or community service requirement? or is it a mere coincidence the similarities in appearance and shadiness?"

This guy has a smile that crooked politicians and used car salesmen woud kill for.

I'm sure the product works great, i just can't stand looking at the delivery style, the headset, the face, the voice, the fake testimonials. If i ever see anyone using a Sham-wow for a beech towel i will ask this person if i can borrow money from them. Please don't make me explain that joke.

#4
Next up, the couch poncho. Bad product IMO, and even worse imagery.

Most people have a blanket, or comfy pajamas, warm track pants, maybe a fireplace, or spouse, kids, pets or something else nice to keep them comfy and warm while watching late night infomercials. Hell even a cup of herbal tea can work but this idea that people would want to wear a cheap blanket with a hole cut in the middle for your head is hardly even trailer park worthy. Yes i believe that there is a market for this glorified fleece moomoo I'm sure. Who doesn't like to walk around naked while wearing a giant food bib?

The highlight of the commercial is a single shot of a conservative shirt-tucked-in-pants belt-buckled family of rejects all wearing these neon coloured looser comforters at a baseball game in broad daylight. The big surprise to any sane viewer of this commercial is that they haven't been beaten to death yet.

#5
New on the hit list are these Kia Soul SUV commercials that for a month teased viewers with male drug addict alcoholic unshaven sweaty people looking inside a car window breathing heavily steaming up the glass. My first thought is this is a commercial for some rehab centre or a new public safety message on not locking your kids in the car while you shop. But now we see these scruffy males are much better than what we first might have thought. They are people that leave friends stranded in deep wells fighting for their lives. Quickly they run away from their friends in need to seek help although it appears they are running away for alibi purposes, regardless they spot these dirty Kia vehicles and pause and daydream. We assume they forget all about their dying buddies. nice. Where do i place an order? NOT.